Suffusing cynicism and greed into your presence for personal gain

As aforementioned, I am a mental health consumer.  That is not a sin.  That does not mean that my life has any more sin or wrongdoing than any other person.  What I wish to extol here is that there are persons I have encountered over the years since this time that disparage myself and convey their arrogance and superiority to my personna in their discourse when I am in a diagreement with their conduct or words.  This is a simple tactic that is often used to suppress or marginalize an otherwise healthy and righteous leaning voice, whether indeed I may be sinful or in fact as I hope to and predict mostly I will be, that is righteous and accurate in my assessments and discourse.  I am marginalized and condemned by the arrogance of others who say "get well" or "you are not mentally well" or "you have a mental illness" when I am in a dispute with their self righteous and self serving paradigms of persistent needless banter or discussion related to an issue of dispute or character discord.  I have had this situation from seemingly the closest of friends and allies.  What does this mean. I have aforementioned that I have had 2 breaks from reality in my life, albeit only a small experience in my whole entire existence as a human being.  That said, I can not assure you that I am going to never have such a psychological quandary at any time in the future.  Tribuations and trials are a constant in life, especially if you are not Torah orientated and not Torah compliant. This is Gods way of giving you a chance to redeem yourself and "see the light". I have had tribulation at times in the past.  That said, my anger or perceived hostility is a human value and not an error of the biochemistry of my mind's creation.  I disavov the self assuredness of the "healthy" and accord that any person may indeed have a time of mental anguish, pain, suffering, discord, humiliation, perversion, disruption, disorganization or otherwise incongruent and unhealthy thinhking.  Millions I am certain do.  I am certain that those of you who despise my mental health are not of the perfect mental heath yourself.  You may provide for yourselves and you may not be in the psychiatrists office at any time, but you are not always psychologically sound.  And I am indeed a physician and have the capacity to distinguish ordered thought, behavior and contributions at a good level.  Do not discount my education and awareness.  Being mentally unhealthy does not mean you lack complete awareness or that you are broken in your spirit or form.  There is much we must consider when we deal with people who have had crises in their lifetime.  I can not believe that any person in the human experience has ever, especially in their growing and trying times, not considered a thought pattern, ideology or concern that is not considered kosher in our day and age.  I must admit here that when I was once a very uneducated and underserved youth, I had even fascinated with death and horribly suicide when I was growing up.  I once kept a diary for a month whereby I had once talked about my own sadness and lack of faith in my own place in the universe whereby suicide was on my mind . (but I never had a plan or a true aspiration to do so).  God saved, I have never thought any thought of the like since really matriculating to college.  Does that surprise anyone?  Does it surprise any person that another person may feel so down trodden at a point in their existence that they considered committing the most greivous of sins, even if it seemed altruistic or a method to "better the world as they see it".  No surprise. I have sadly had 2 friends who have succummed to suicide in my lifetime.  It is the most painful of experiences. In ones case, it was when he was just out of high school and into the public arena and professional days of his aspirations.  I am continually aggreived by this situation, though perhaps there were mental health factors that were present that I have heard others discuss as his true predicament.  (I was told he died of AIDS. Suicide was not the cause of death as per another party). I find this unfortunate.  Even with a malady, one must strive for a healthy long lived life.  That you can not contribute today does not mean you will not tomorrow.  Suicide is the most heinous of all sins and even in the case of the Nazis who in a few cases took this route, their ending is as bad as their lifetime and maybe even worse. To deny society the right to justice itself is a godless and heinous act.  Hitler and Goering who committed suicide are lower than the lowest life and their act of attrition is evidence that their smallest of thoughts were in fact no way in any case of the life that one must preserve- his or her own.