Like many without Torah in our lives, the Jewish diet never inspired or concerned me at all when I was a child. I grew up in a family that considered the highest of delicacies the blue crabs in Maryland and the east coast. It was the highest point of our vacations to the beach to sit in a crab shack and consume crab upon crab. I knew that that was the lifestyle that I needed to live. True I eventually learned that there were dietary restrictions (I had not yet understood this to be laws). I knew eventually that it was somthing you were 'not supposed to eat'. But to me, life was about being flexible. Successful people were people who could bend the rigidity of the past to fit the future. It was the way to live. We were modern people. We loved that we were Jewish. We loved that we loved Treif! I loved Wonton soup with the pork wontons. It was one of my favorites. To get a lobster was to strike a gold mine. I maybe had only a few in my growing years. Eat and eat everything. Its about health of the body. Right? Ok. Enough of the reminiscing in days gone by.
Approximately sometime in the year 2000, after I had returned to live in my familys home from living alone in Florida for a year, I somehow had the idea that Kosher was in fact important and that one should indeed keep kosher. Thus I began a quest that has lead me to where I am now.
I can not report that I was seeking a religious expience. I do admit that by this time, I must have had a firm belief that God is real and relevant and in control of the universe. That is astonishing as I must admit that in my days of youth I did not really think much of our Creator at all. I probably held onto the idea that there was an evolutionary start to the planet, though I rarely gave the origins of life a large fascination. I do remember only one time when I was probably in 5th to maybe 8th grade when I stood in my bedroom and for some reason said "God I hate you", as if God really existed. I did not know. But I did say that. (I have since taken a baseball hat and dropped it on the floor for an hour where I stood and said that. It always stood out in my mind that I said what I said and exactly the location in my bedroom. I must report to you that the emanation that did in fact exist and haunted my life when I was on that spot is no longer present. I will report that the emination did create a reminded often in later years when I was having some times of mental health pain during the years when I had returned to living at home and that I was finding little satisfaction, little success and little purpose for existing (in my mind). ) So here I was, a Jew who did not really believe in a Creator, questioned Gods existence at times, but by 2000, I was sure somehow that there was a God and God existed and we had a purpose to our creation and that we had duties. I was not exactly inspired to be a Ba'al Tschuvah at that time. I was rarely attenting even reform synagogue services, the previous year in Florida, I only went to one Yom Kippur informal service type gathering (still an event with other Jewish people. Never discount the presence of others of your people).
I decided no more Treif. No shell fish, no pork. that was a start. i did my best for a good 8 more years to keep this level of kosher. I report that there are hippocrites who will criticize you for not being 100% perfect kosher and discount your efforts which to one with my history was indeed a challenge, well at least with the shellfish initially. I later came to decide that the treif items did not taste good. This I liken to my father who once smoked cigarettes, now hates the smell of all burning tobacco, even cigars. I went on like this for a while. I did my best to separate milk and beef products as well, though occasionally I might have eaten a salad that had cheese on it with a steak I think. well, probably rarely. I think I did actually ok with the separation of milk and meat. That said, I was still going to non kosher restaurants. I would have no problem ordering chicken or steak. It wasnt a forbidden food was it????? I still enjoyed my culinary experiences. :) So pretty soon, it was good that my parents who do not keep kosher would try to assist me in some of my experiences. They really were great. Eventually they stopped bringing pork and shrimp home to the house. I knew and still know that we will never be able to keep a 100% kosher kitchen in our home. I am ok with that as I have to consider the difficult seeming burden that this would place on my father and mother. It would not be a mitzvah to demand a kosher kitchen. But that said, today, I must report that I no longer go to non kosher restaurants (well I cant say I never will and I cant say I might not order a fish dish). I now keep all my meats kosher that I eat. And I separate milk and meats efficiently.
I must report that hardest step in keeping kosher to the degree that I currently do today was the decision to forgo eating non kosher slaughtered animals. I loved places like wendys. (though I had stopped going to McDonalds!) I liked the gyro salads that I got at the restaurant that I frequented in town. I didn't mind going out and gettting breakfast and woudl only order eggs and hashbrowns and the like (though of course knowing it likely came into contact with pork bacon etc on the grill). I rationalized that it is better to keep kosher as I was doing even if it meant that you ate a small ingesting of treif material as a consequence. I did not wish to give up on finer dining and out of the house experiences. So the first step was to eat only kosher meats. Ok I made it. The costs were going to be higher. Fortunatly my father and mother help me with this. I had a friend online who extoled the necessity of keeping kosher and only eating kosher cuts of meats. I did not accept his concerns for a long time, but eventually my inner being spoke up and I realized it was time that I did in fact keep this concern. I must report that I remember being in my bedroom at the time I consciously decided that I would in fact keep this level of kashrut. I report to you with all my integrity that I honestly thought that I heard a voice or voices cheering the moment my mind decided to keep that level of kosher. I do belive this was the universe reacting to what to me was to be a collossal acheivement. That said, I knew instantly it was what had to be done. This essentially meant no more eating out, except I continued to eat fish and vegitables and the like when I went out for a good 8-12 months.
Finally, I am where I am today. I do not go to non kosher restaurants. I just dont. I am content with meals at home. It does keep costs down a bit considering kosher is probably 20% more expensive.
Do I feel 'holier'? No. That is not the idea. We are all holy beings. But for me, I feel that my spirit is healthier and my being is healthier. Its hard to describe. There is a sick sensation you dont get when you think of what you have been eating. Well, off to the kitchen in a minute! Thanks.
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