Realizing I had it pretty much right all along and was not a bad kid at all

I must say that I had considered myself to be less than wholesome on the days I drove back from synagogue on a friday night or saturday afternoon in my vehicle. I was just comparing myself with those who really did not wish to get in the vehicle and drive and walked indeed to shul. This was to me a great job and clearly the really righteous people did this.... right? But that said, I never felt that I was a fool and I never felt that I was God's enemy. I never felt that My Creator was angry that I drove to shul but I did realize that if I didn't drive anymore, I might be blessed for sure. I did this and in a month, I was all over the place doing many new things including painting and writing. I had it in my mind that it was confirmed. Keeping out of a driving car on shabbas was really the job of a True Jew and I was in fact being a fool by driving. People who were religious seemed to take gladness though I never felt them to really love me any more for keeping shabbas with this activity missing. I felt they loved that I was confirming that they were the true orthodox and that they had it all going and coming and that I was going to avoid a practice that they really did not want to do, just so that they could indeed keep their rank in the community. That's all it was. Their rank and priviledge. They did not tell me that God would love me anymore or that God was angry that I had not done so earlier. If it was really a truth I would have been brought in line by a really angry religious right and a fool would not have seen the truth in the matter. But there are really no big Jewish fools and the reform and conservative are really not the dumbest people on earth. They are bright stars in their own accord. So lets do what we do today and do our best. Being Kosher is the big deal. And I don't think that anyone when I was a kid ever disputed that this was really the true way. We knew that we could do better all across the board and I am proud to say that I do in fact keep dietarily and hopefully mentally kosher as best as it may be possible given that I am not in the company of other orthodox jews in my home.
So thats that. I will indeed consider going out and driving on saturday now. I may even go to the cigar shop, though I guess you really don't want to spend money. I'll just bring my own cigar and enjoy their company. When I told them that I did not go to cigar shops on saturday I thought I was being true to being a Jew, but I really felt something was truly a miss. In fact, the best I did was tell them that they were not the sort of people I hung out with on the Sabbath. I never really thought much of it but there were nice Saturday activities there that might have been useful to enjoy. So thats that. I may likely go back. But today wont be the day. Thanks.